if you kill a guy who has a boner does his penis continue to be erect or what
Yes. It does actually. And when they go to the morgue to be prepared for burial, the person cleaning them up and such breaks it so it lays flat.
“So what do you do for a living?
“I put makeup on dead people and snap boners.”
i remember one year in school, our french teacher had to pull the class aside and give us a talk about our final essays because not only did one kid in the class put his paper through Google Translate, but he translated it to Spanish by accident and handed it in thinking it was the correct language.
Two. When you are angry, do not respond.
Three. Do not decide when you’re sad. ❞
completely (via aintawesome)
took the bus home,
carried both bags with two good arms back to my studio apartment
and cooked myself dinner.
You and I may have different definitions of a good day.
This week, I paid my rent and my credit card bill,
worked 60 hours between my two jobs,
only saw the sun on my cigarette breaks
and slept like a rock.
Flossed in the morning,
locked my door,
and remembered to buy eggs.
My mother is proud of me.
It is not the kind of pride she brags about at the golf course.
She doesn’t combat topics like, ”My daughter got into Yale”
with, ”Oh yeah, my daughter remembered to buy eggs”
But she is proud.
See, she remembers what came before this.
The weeks where I forgot how to use my muscles,
how I would stay as silent as a thick fog for weeks.
She thought each phone call from an unknown number was the notice of my suicide.
These were the bad days.
My life was a gift that I wanted to return.
My head was a house of leaking faucets and burnt-out lightbulbs.
Depression, is a good lover.
So attentive; has this innate way of making everything about you.
And it is easy to forget that your bedroom is not the world,
That the dark shadows your pain casts is not mood-lighting.
It is easier to stay in this abusive relationship than fix the problems it has created.
Today, I slept in until 10,
cleaned every dish I own,
fought with the bank,
took care of paperwork.
You and I might have different definitions of adulthood.
I don’t work for salary, I didn’t graduate from college,
but I don’t speak for others anymore,
and I don’t regret anything I can’t genuinely apologize for.
And my mother is proud of me.
I burned down a house of depression,
I painted over murals of greyscale,
and it was hard to rewrite my life into one I wanted to live
But today, I want to live.
I didn’t salivate over sharp knives,
or envy the boy who tossed himself off the Brooklyn bridge.
I just cleaned my bathroom,
did the laundry,
called my brother.
Told him, “it was a good day. ❞
Kait Rokowski (A Good Day)
This definitely made me tear up
Johnny Knoxville (via unteens)
You ever see a girl so cute that all you can think is:
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
- teacher: don't bullshit this essay
- me: i'm gonna bullshit this essay
My step-brother is a teacher and to shut up his students he gave them a Where’s Wally
But he photoshopped Wally out
One kid asked to stay behind at break so he could find it poor child